New year - new blog post. And it has nothing to do with “New Me”...I am still the same. But the change is never the same and this post is about it.
Change. It happens when you don’t expect it.
A friend of mine asked me the other day how it was going with my book. I started writing it about 18 months ago. Cannot classify it as a novel because I described real situations, real people, and real consequences. It was about someone who thought she had discovered a secret side of hers and her life changed when she realised she can do things she could never think of in the past, live a new and forbidden life. But the truth was that one day everything changed and she understood that all that happened was a confusion. She returned to her old life, but she was changed, completely changed…
When I started the university and moved to a new city, new country, I met lots of people who were completely different from me and people I used to know in Moldova. I felt extremely inspired by my new friends, who were living double lives and had to face everyday challenges. It might sound strange when I say “double lives” but I mean it. Life in Eastern Europe is a bit different and you can’t tell people you are gay without being judged, you can’t become the managing director of the bank or work for the Government and still be open about your sexual orientation because people tend to consider you mentally ill which is obviously bullshit. Anyway let’s get back to my story. The lives of my friends looked like a game to me, everything they did was always risky, exciting and SO forbidden! I could see their both sides and it was unbelievably amazing to listen to all their stories and live those moments with them. I was so inspired to write about things which happened to my friends, to people they met, to me, and about all the dramas that were happening at that time.
I had so much passion to write that I couldn’t breathe. I had to put it on the paper. It was my main motivation.
All those people, actions, situations, places changed me and showed me a new side of the things.
I clearly remember the last day I wrote the pages for my book:
It was a chilly November morning in London. It had rained the night before, but the sun was rising. I went jogging, but came back home in just a minute feeling lack of air again, grabbed my papers, pen and went to a peaceful cafe by the river. The view, the breeze, the fresh air after the rain, everything felt just right! I couldn’t stop writing and every time when I was reading again what I wrote, my heart was beating faster and faster. I was living all those moments again and again. So many feelings came back to me. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry and I just wanted to close my eyes and go back to those moments and live them again. I could even feel the butterflies I felt when it had happened. It was such an unforgettable experience.
Today I decided to read the pages which I wrote for the book and honestly, I felt embarrassed! I can’t believe I wrote that! It feels so wrong…
I guess the change “happened” to me… It happens from time to time to all of us.
Why don’t we receive a notification before changing? Why no one tells us in advance that change can happen any minute? Why don’t we get extra time to live and enjoy the moment before we change?
Richard Gerver dedicated a whole book to this subject and its title is Change.
If you think back for a second:
What did you dream about two, three, four, or five years ago? Where did you see yourself? And where are you now?
I am one of those people who change very quickly... too quickly. It gets scary sometimes. Going 2 years back, all I could dream about was moving to a warm and sunny country, live close to the sea, have my morning walks on the beach every day and work in the hotel industry. Fast forward 2 years and I find myself running in the rain to catch the train – well, it’s something like morning walks on the beach but “a little bit” different. London is not the warmest city in the world, but I feel like I am living a dream, the new one. And I really love it!
Even dreams have an expiration date.
We are all very different but we all share one common experience: Change. Love it, hate it, ignore it but better accept it and let it take you to amazing places where you will meet the most wonderful people and discover something about yourself which you have never thought about.
